Grá, Dílseacht, Cairdeas
by hollyivy7
Summary: "We are not friends. We are acquaintances who mutually benefit from our relationship. And it's all strictly business." "Of course," said Butler dryly.
1. The Letter

Disclaimer: Yeah. Not mine. Either of them. And reviews are very confidence-boosterish!

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Preposterous. That was what Artemis Fowl would have thought a mere year ago. Of course now, after his discovery of the Fairy Folk, wizards and witches didn't seem as improbable.

Artemis had received an owl (honestly, how outdated) with a letter in its beak from Albus Dumbledore. Apparently, he had been accepted to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

It was completely fascinating! Three worlds, all coexisting together!

However, the letter brought up some problems.

First off, why was he not informed earlier? He was supposed to be invited to Hogwarts when he was eleven. Artemis would have to speak with Dumbledore about that.

Second, how did he get magical blood? He didn't think he had any in the Fowl line. He'd check into that later.

Thirdly, and most importantly, what was he going to tell his mother?

She had only just recently recovered from her bout of mental illness. Artemis didn't want to tip the fragile balance in her mind; he didn't know how long Holly's magic would work.

Artemis sighed and rubbed his temples. Tomorrow, he was going to London.

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"You've been accepted to a school? How wonderful!" Angeline Fowl exclaimed, smile proud and wistful.

Artemis nodded, "Yes, last winter, to a school in Scotland."

Her face darkened and she lowered her head, "I've missed a lot, haven't I? I'm so sorry, Arty. You've had to grow up far too fast. I can't nearly keep up with only half a family."

He felt the first pangs of guilt kicking in. He didn't like lying to her mother, but it was necessary.

But she looked so sad that for one wild moment, Artemis had wanted to tell her everything he had hidden from her.

That actually, he missed his father just as much as her, but the loss would hit him like a tidal wave if he let the dam break, so he never did.

That really, the only thing that allowed him to soldier on was the hope that Artemis Fowl Senior was still among the living.

But he had been selfish enough.

Instead, Artemis patted her hand, "You have nothing to apologize for."

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"The Leaky Cauldron?" he murmured. "What a strange name for a shop."

Butler looked around, "I don't see anything."

"You don't?" Artemis asked, surprised.

Butler tried looking at the space Artemis was facing through the corner of his eye, "A smudge and no more."

Artemis nodded slowly. They were going in. There had to be some reason non-magical people like Butler couldn't see it.

He walked in and saw an old man cleaning his counters at an otherwise ordinary pub. Artemis coughed politely to get his attention. The man turned around.

He said, "A new student? The entrance to Diagon Alley is in the back. Count up three bricks and two across, and tap it three times. Got it?"

Artemis nodded in acknowledgment.

"Thank you," he said politely, hiding a grin. Magic! He could hardly wait.

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Please check out my profile; I have a poll for new story ideas.

Reviews would be appreciated.

Story gets longer as it goes, so apologies for the lukewarm start. It gets better, don't worry!

Edit: Had no idea it was Angeline, not Angelina. Sorry!


	2. Meeting Hermione and the Sorting Hat

The door slid open with a clang as a frazzled brunette came in. Right away, the girl noticed a pale, dark-haired boy sitting in the corner.

She had never seen him before, but she was pretty sure he wasn't a first year.

"Hello, I'm Hermione Granger. Is this seat taken?" Hermione asked.

The boy raised an elegant eyebrow and pointedly looked at the empty seats beside him.

She flushed, "Well, it's nice to meet you. Are you a transfer student? We haven't had one in Hogwarts for a century, so it's very rare. You're not a first-year student, right?"

There was a long pause. Finally the boy replied, "Pleasure to meet you. My name is Artemis Fowl, the second. I am, was, home-schooled. I will be entering second year."

She licked her lips nervously. Hermione was uncertain of what it was about Fowl that unnerved her so much.

Perhaps it was his tone of voice, an Irish lilt with an underlay of steel. Or it was how he held himself, regal and guarded. He was only twelve, the same age as her, but she could sense he

was not to be messed with.

Fortunately, she was saved from continuing the awkward conversation by the arrival of Neville. "Hermione!" Neville exclaimed. "I was looking for you. And oh-. Who's this?"

Hermione cleared her throat, "This is Fowl. Artemis Fowl."

Artemis gave him a cool tilt of the head. Neville smiled nervously back, his discomfort around strangers coming out twofold.

Hermione sighed inwardly. It was going to be a long train ride.

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"And our last student, Artemis Fowl!" Dumbledore declared with a flourish.

Artemis strode confidently up, ignoring the whispers and stares. Really, what was so fascinating about him? They were children, all of them. No class, whatsoever.

Artemis eyed the hat.

This tattered thing could dig through his mind? That wouldn't do at all. He had plenty of secrets to hide, like his forged paintings and other criminal expeditions. Well, he would just have to

make sure the Sorting Hat couldn't divulge any of them. He smiled viciously.

Artemis had plenty of ways to do that.

He reached for the hat, which suddenly quivered. "Slytherin!" it cried before Artemis even touched it.

Artemis blinked. Well, that was that.

The green and silver table clapped politely. Artemis held his head high and marched to his seat through a sea of shrewd, exploiting eyes.

He suspected he'd fit quite nicely here.

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	3. A Bloody Study Group?

Magic came easily to Artemis. After all, he didn't have a genius IQ and one of the sharpest minds in Europe for nothing. It wasn't long before Artemis caught up with and surpassed Hermione,

the top of the class, despite his late start at Hogwarts. The teachers were delighted. Hermione was less pleased. With Hermione's clear displeasure, Artemis really should have predicted

what happened next. And he did. But that didn't make it any less annoying.

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Artemis was reading in the library, alone at a desk. Piles of thick books formed a protective barrier around him. His entire aura seemed to scream, "I'm busy. Bother me and die."

As if that wasn't enough, Artemis had also removed all the chairs from his table so that no one could sit down with him.

So what on Earth was Granger doing? She was dragging over a rickety chair, plopping down her study materials, and smiling cheerfully at him, "Hello, Fowl."

"What," Artemis deadpanned.

No one was supposed to be hassling him when he was focused reading. No one. Even the crotchety old librarian lady knew that.

Hermione ignored his less than eager reply, "I've decided that I need further improvement in my academics. And since you are now the top student, I will study with you."

"Don't I get a say in this? I have better things to do then study with a Gryffindor," Artemis said.

"You don't have a choice. And, what's that you're reading?" Hermione asked.

Artemis let out a long suffering sigh and briefly showed the cover, Intermediate Transfiguration.

"A third year book?" her eyes narrowed determinedly.

Oh no. He was never going to get rid of her now.

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Artemis had gotten used to the "study dates" with Granger.

Twice every week he'd meet her at the library, where she would pipe up from her book every few minutes and spout off with something like, "Oh, it's completely fascinating! And did you

know of the difference between this spell and this one?"

At this point, Artemis would do one of the following, either hum in acknowledgment, or more rarely, lean over and see what she was talking about. Unfortunately, his relations with his own

housemates were considerable less ideal.

Malfoy was very nosy and very ticked off at Artemis ever since his placement had been pushed down to third. Right now, the blond was reclining lazily on one of the clawed chairs in the

common room next to Parkinson.

"Where are you going?" Draco drawled, opening one eye.

"I don't see how it's any of your business, but I am meeting Granger at the library," Artemis enunciated.

Malfoy and Parkinson jumped up as if scalded.

He shouted, "But she's a mudblood!" at the same time Parkinson shrieked, "Consorting with Gryffindorks?!"

Artemis leveled them with a particularly acidic glare.

"She's intelligent company, which is more than I can say for you two," he retorted.

As an afterthought, Artemis added, "Have you forgotten that I am a muggle-born too?"

Malfoy shifted uncomfortably, "Well, you don't really act like one. And besides, the incident with Bole proved it."

Ah yes, Bole, the imbecilic fourth-year Slytherin who had the nerve to insult him.

_~Start Flashback~_

_Bole, wide as a tree trunk and possibly twice as thick, jolted Artemis' shoulder purposely in the hallway. _

_Artemis barely managed to keep from dropping his books. Malfoy and his thugs stopped behind him. _

_Bole sneered, "Can't believe we have you dirtying the noble house of Slytherin. Mudbloods shouldn't even be here, in Hogwarts!"_

_Artemis lowered his eyelids half-mast, "I'm afraid I don't know what you mean."_

_He looked up through his eyelashes for a second and scanned the hallway quickly. _

_Damn. They were gathering a crowd._

_Bole scoffed, gaining confidence with all the people, "Why? Are you too daft to understand?"_

_Artemis sniffed with disdain, "More like too sophisticated to know such a crass, low-level word. Really, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"_

_The boy's eyebrow started ticking, "Are you insulting my ma?"_

_"I'm insulting you; there's quite a difference," Artemis replied._

_~End Flashback~_

Artemis just hummed in agreement and turned to leave.

"Wait!" Draco called. "I'm going with you!"

Artemis opened his mouth to protest then shut it, shaking his head.

There was no use arguing with these types of people. No use at all.

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Okay, this chapter is twice as long. And if it seems like there's no plot, it's probably because there isn't one.

Although I have a few drabbles scribbled out, I'm basically writing this as I go.

And, ooh! Flashback! Ooh!

People who got to this story, tell me how you did? Did you find it from the community, the updates page, etc?

Look on my profile for a poll; I have two new story ideas.

Reviews would be appreciated. Thanks!


	4. Weasley, Malfoy, and Potter, Oh My!

It turned out that Artemis didn't need to worry about bringing one possibly unwanted person (yes that means you, Malfoy) to the library.

Hermione had brought two.

If that wasn't bad enough, she also managed to pick the two people Malfoy hated the most, Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter.

Which led him to his current predicament.

Artemis was quite calmly reading his book, internally considering the merits of a good old Silencio or at least some earplugs. Hermione was enthusiastically finishing her Potions essay two

weeks before it was actually due. She only paused in her writing with the occasional admonishment for her friends.

Meanwhile, Weasley, Potter, and Malfoy were engaged in a three-way insult battle. Artemis resisted the urge to snap his quill when he heard some of the comments flying around.

"What are you doing in a library, Weasel? The books are for people who can actually read."

"Malfoy, leave him alone. You know perfectly well that Ron is literate."

"Ooh! Shouldn't you be swooning now? Perfect Potty, defending the lady's honor! You can't even speak for yourself."

"You little-!"

Artemis had finally had enough. He slammed his hands on the table.

"Shut. Up," he said clearly.

There. He had stated it so simply, even the Hogsmeade village fool could understand it.

Weasley turned as red as his hair, "Why should we listen to a slimy snake? You can't tell us what to do!"

Ah. He was mistaken.

"Ron! Honestly! Not all Slytherins are bad," Hermione sighed exasperatedly.

Weasley scoffed, "Yeah? Name one."

"There are good Slytherins, too! Like…" she trailed off.

"Yes, go on, Mudblood," Draco drawled.

Potter looked angrily at him, "Don't call her that!"

"ENOUGH!" Artemis growled, silencing them with a particularly frosty glare. "Are you all children?"

He turned to Weasley and Potter, "If you don't want to be around us, leave. Nobody's stopping you. It's quite rude of you to judge the entirety of Slytherin by the actions of one boy."

Malfoy smirked, smug at the Gryffindors' slightly sheepish countenances, until Artemis whirled to look at him.

"And you!" the irate blue-eyed boy ground out. "If I hear you say that vile word one more time, I'll hex you into next Tuesday! Got it? No one invited you either. Got it?"

Malfoy nodded quickly, his life flashing before his eyes. There he was at 5, throwing a temper tantrum. At 7, showing signs of accidental magic. At 11, seeing Hogwarts for the first time.

_Oh Merlin!_ _I'm too pretty to die. I'm too pretty to die._

"Good," Artemis flashed his vampire grin, bad mood now gone. He sat back down and resumed reading calmly, as if nothing had just happened.

Weasley gulped audibly, still cowed from the Slytherin's outburst. He whispered fiercly out the side of his mouth to Harry, "He's as bad as Snape!"

Hermione breathed deeply through her nose and wondered what she had done in a past life to get saddled with friends like these.

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Malfoy, Potter, and Weasley had all left, each claiming excuses, not wanting to stay in the tense atmosphere any longer.

Weasley and Potter had used Quidditch, while Malfoy had made something up hastily.

Artemis had no doubt all three were lying. Frankly, he didn't care either. Good riddance. They were now back to the original two, though Artemis suspected the idiots would be back sooner or

later.

Right then, Hermione and he were alone in the quiet library. Artemis decided to ask something he had been wondering about ever since he had heard of the Golden Trio.

"Why are they your friends?" he asked, with nothing but genuine interest.

Hermione stiffened, "What do you mean?"

Artemis sighed, "It is abundantly clear to me that most children shun their superiors in intelligence. You are certainly smarter then them and Potter and Weasley are exactly that. Children. I

cannot see them being an exception to this phenomenon."

The conversation lapsed for so many minutes that he thought she had chosen to ignore him. Finally, she started slowly, eyes hazy. "I met Harry and Ron during my first year."

"They didn't like me in the beginning, " Hermione's face held only the smallest trace of bitterness. "I was too bossy, too much of a know-it-all. In fact, I wasn't friends with anyone. Studies

were the only thing I had, really. I didn't need any friends because I had books to replace them. So I wanted to prove that I was worth something; I didn't need the others."

She cocked her head thoughtfully. "And then came Halloween. Ron said something insensitive again in class, the prat, and I ran to the girls' bathroom to cry in peace."

If Artemis was a lesser man, he would have squirmed in his seat. However he was not, and just inclined his head as if to say, "Go on."

Hermione suddenly giggled, "Could you imagine how I felt when a twelve-foot troll plodded into the loo? I was scared out of my mind. That's how Harry and Ron found me, huddled under a

sink. How very Gryffindoric of me. They took out the troll; levitated his club and dropped it on his head. Then the teachers came. I lied, my first time to a teacher, and told Professor

McGonagall that it was my fault."

"And that was it. The beginning of our friendship," she said her voice fading off, thick with nostalgia.

Artemis rested his head on a propped up hand.

He offered her a faint twitch of the lips, "So it took a twelve-foot troll to knock some sense into them."

Hermione was startled into a brief bark of laughter, "That's exactly it."

A few minutes later she heard something, so soft she could have imagined it.

It had been a mere murmur, "I think you were very brave. And I think they were stupid for not seeing that sooner."

Artemis very diplomatically pretended not to notice when Hermione wiped her eyes.

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I've decided to make 1150 words per chapter my goal. Any more than that is kinda stretching my willpower. And once again, check out my profile and vote on the polls if you have time.

Reviews are always appreciated and responded to promptly!

Edit: Alright, there are now words on the right side.


	5. Overtures of Friendship

I apologize in advance for any OOCness or typos. Tell me if you see any problems.

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A golden brown owl swooped over the Great Hall and perched smoothly on Artemis' shoulder. Said boy patted the bird's feathers absently, "Hello Tawny."

He untied the little scroll that was attached to her leg. It was from Butler, of course, the lone person who had reason to send mail to him.

The price that his bodyguard had demanded for

Artemis attending Hogwarts without him was a weekly update, without fail. Artemis had refused to give up such an opportunity, even with the hazards of magic. He had convinced Butler to

stay with Mother and watch over his investments. Artemis unrolled and skimmed through the paper.

_-A_

_Checked stock portfolio. 3 percent decrease._

Artemis frowned slightly. That would have to change.

_Angelina doing fine. She says to tell you, "Arty, remember to go outside at that boarding school of yours. You are much too pale. And for heaven's sake, try making some friends!"_

Artemis inwardly sighed. Twelve years old and he still had Mother nagging him as if he was two. A warm feeling in his chest reminded him that he was happy just to have a Mother who would

nag him.

_Am reading up on Wizarding World history, esp. hazards. Be careful Artemis. The events of Oct. 31 are not all clear._

_-B_

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Artemis leaned back on the tree and squinted his eyes. Even with the shade, it was obnoxiously bright outside. He looked around.

Clear skies, grassy fields, and a lake shimmering in the background. Artemis remained unimpressed. Was this what his Mother was always advocating?

Artemis hadn't missed much if this was all the "Great Outdoors" was about.

A shadow darkened his view. "Potter. Weasley," he acknowledged, still chilly from their last encounter.

The two boys sported sheepish countenances, Weasley in particular. Potter's face was steadier, having apologized the day before. Artemis stared at the redhead expectantly.

Finally, after Potter had elbowed him several times, Weasley cleared his throat, "Hermione is pretty damn smart, and she's almost always right."

Artemis raised an eyebrow. Where was he going with this?

The Gryffindor continued, "And Harry thinks you aren't that bad, and he's got pretty good instincts. So if 'Mione says you're alright and Harry says you're alright, I reckon I could at least get to

know you." He stuck out his hand, "So how about it? Amiable acquaintances?"

All Artemis could say was, "Did Hermione teach you that word?"

Ron's eyebrow twitched, "Artemis!"

The shock of his first named being used so familiarly shook him out of his surprise.

He gave Ron a measuring look but did not take his hand.

Instead, Artemis said slowly, "Alright....Ron."

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A dreamy-eyed blond with a wand tucked behind her ear stumbled. Artemis twisted to avoid her but was a second too slow. They collided.

"Oof!"

The fall had knocked the breath out of him. He found himself lying on his back, nose to nose with none other than Luna Lovegood.

She blinked lethargically at him, "Hello Artemis. What are you doing here? Did the Wrackspurts push you too?"

He blinked back. It was one thing to hear about "Loony Lovegood" with her eccentricities, and another thing entirely to see it in action.

"Shouldn't you be getting up?" the silver-eyed girl cocked her head, radish earrings jingling.

"I can't," he replied annoyed.

"Ah, I understand. The floor is quite comfortable. I wouldn't want to get up either," she said sagely.

"Not that," Artemis said bemusedly. "You're sitting on me. I literally can't get up."

Lovegood followed his gaze from her to his chest, which she was blatantly seated on. "So I am," the girl said with wonder.

She stood up and brushed her disheveled robes. Then, she offered him a hand, "Call me Luna. Lovegood is my father."

After a moment's hesitation, Artemis took it. Luna seemed interesting enough.

And so began one of the most peculiar friendships the halls of Hogwarts had ever seen.

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"There is no rule against sitting at other Houses' tables, correct?" Artemis prodded Hermione.

She tapped her chin with her quill, "No, there isn't. Why do you ask?"

He shrugged half-heartedly, "I'm not all that sure myself."

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After a week of him sitting at the blue and copper clad table, the shock had worn off.

Imagine! Artemis Fowl, vampirish Ice Prince, chatting with Loony Lovegood, outcast of Ravenclaw. And what did people think of this?

Draco was horribly offended for all of two seconds. Then he remembered the last time Artemis was annoyed and hastily said, "Many blessings!"

Hermione shouted something about "Interhouse Relations!" and ran off.

Ron and Harry looked at each other and shrugged. They returned to pumpkin juice and treacle tarts.

And those were all the people that mattered anyway.

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Artemis soon discovered that breakfast with Luna was never boring.

Luna poked at her toast with a spork thoughtfully.

"Artemis."

"Hm?"

The other Ravenclaws eyed the two warily.

"Buttered toast falls butter-side down, yes?" she asked curiously.

"Generally," Artemis replied.

"And cats," Luna said. "They land on their feet, yes?"

"Generally," he replied again, getting a feeling of where the questioning was headed.

"So," she continued, face serious. "What would happen if you strapped toast to Mrs. Norris' back, dry side down, and threw her off the Astronomy Tower?"

Cho Chang, who was quite obviously eavesdropping, almost fell off her seat. Of all the ridiculous things to ask!

Artemis, however, seemed to actually be thinking about it, if the contemplative expression on his face was anything to judge by.

"Well, cats have a vestibular apparatus in their ear, which enables them to right themselves in midair. Their skeletons also help, since they have no collarbones so-"

And that was only Tuesday.

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Sorry for not updating for so long. I wasn't sure what scene to post. Actually, I'm probably not going to be able to update in a while, starting the end of June. Worst case scenario is the

computer is confiscated for the whole summer.

Also, if you have any requests on what you want to see, tell me. Reviews are always accepted! Anonymous ones too!

PS. Is it just me, or are most readers of this fic slash-pros?

PPS. I have the beginnings of Schooled started, but it's less than 500 words. Should I post it or keep working at it?

PPPS. Wow, 9 reviews in two days. I have officially reached the 25 review mark. Wanna make that 50?

Edit: Fixed Norris issue. Dunno how to fix funky spacing issue. Help?


	6. Interlude

Disclaimer : Oh god, don't kill me just yet.

* * *

_Dear Artemis Fowl the Second,_

_The Ministry has received your request for an audience with those in charge of Young Wizard and Witch Detection. _

_Please arrive tomorrow on the third level of the Ministry, promptly at 5:30 PM._

_Yours sincerely, _

_Nana S. Frode_

_Magical Detection Office_

_Ministry of Magic._

_

* * *

_"Well, Artemis, yours is a very rare case, indeed. The last time the book has misreported a wizard or witch was - why I can't even recall!" Nana S. Frode informed him, her fingers interlaced and elbows on her desk.

That was probably a very long time ago, considering the number of wrinkles on the woman's face.

He cleared his throat. "But the question is, how? Why was my magic only detected at age twelve?"

She examined him with clear eyes. "You said you've never experienced accidental magic?"

He nodded in affirmative.

"Most of the time, signs of wizardry show before the age eight. We've had late bloomers, but no later than age ten," she mused. "And you do have magical ancestry - Lord Hugo de Fole, he was quite a powerful wizard. It's as if your power were dormant one moment and activated the next!"

Activated...ah! The blue rinse bomb. _I never believed that I would thank someone for trying to kill me_, _but I suppose circumstances change. Good old LEP, _he thought humorously to himself. Artemis let Nana Frode ramble on for another moment. Then, he said smoothly, "Thank you, Ms. Frode. That was very informative."

She beamed grandmotherly at him, "Always glad to help, my boy. Always glad to help."

As soon as his back was turned to her, Artemis let a slow smirk rise. Informative indeed.

* * *

Nana S. Frode polished her glasses, smiling to herself. What a polite young boy! They didn't make them like that anymore, that was for sure. Children these days were so rude; they had no respect at all! Artemis Fowl reminded her of someone she had met many years ago. Barely out of Hogwarts he was. A charming young man, she remembered, with neat black hair and red eyes - no, they were brown, weren't they? What _was_ his name?

Later on in the day, she would clap her hands. Tom Riddle! That was the boy's name. Why, Artemis Fowl even resembled him physically! How remarkable.

* * *

Author's Note: It's been a really long time, hasn't it? Well, I'm afraid I've forgotten most of what the story was about. Sorry about the long wait, to the readers who I still have left (do I?). As always, please leave a review. Also, mention if I've made any mistakes. That's always helpful.


	7. Author's Note :

Yes, I know, this is the author's note no reader wants to see. So, ripping the bandaid off quickly - I'm deleting this story in two days.

I went back and read the first chapters and realized that they are really, really bad. I will be rewriting this story. And it will be up soon, I promise. I already have most of the first chapter done. Sorry for leading you guys on for so long, your reviews really encouraged me to keep writing. It's just that my inability to write well sort of got in the way of that. The later chapters are not nearly as poor, and so you may be seeing those in the future.

Thank you for supporting me.


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